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THE EMPERORS NEW NOSE
© Copyright 2008 0715 All rights reserved
The Emperor was a benevolent ruler of the large Empire of Veronica Falls. It is a land filled with exotic forest and abundant wild life. Emperor Herbert Plumpwell was aware of the people's need for interactive contest and tournaments. Annually he held archery contests, largest fruit of vegetable grown in a season or even mathematical puzzles to be solved by his subjects for generous favors granted by the emperor himself.
His highness liked to hunt to thin out the forests overpopulation of quails, pheasants, and wild ducks. Herbiest, to his closest friends, like to gather his advisors and form an all day hunting party that began at dawn and naturally led to the next two days feasts and tournaments.
People would come from miles around just to have the opportunity for some healthy competition and to see who is the best archer in the land. The entire household staff was in full readiness for the upcoming contests.
“Emperor Plumpwell!” Claudius his day planner yelled.
“What is it man, out with it?” blurted Herbert.
“Cleopatra, had her puppies in the stable last night.”
“How many pups and what do they look like.”
“They are magnificent!” You must see for yourself, sir.”
“Let's go. Cleopatra waits for no man”
They walk to the stable at a brisk pace to the back left corner of the stable.
“Good job, Cleo” The are hearty,” said the emperor.
“Five reds and one chestnut brown bloodhounds, all future champions I'll wager.” "Their eyes will open in a day or two", explained Claudius
"When can they be ready for competition?”
“Six to eight months with proper training.'
“Claudius, we have a meeting with King George in twenty minutes. Is the demonstration ready?'
“Yes, sire, perhaps you would like to review them?”
They walk back to the castle and were about to enter the great hall when lo and behold a tiny yelp is heard as they were closing the door.
“What's that sound?” demanded Herbert Plumpwell.
“Why it's the brown pup. He followed the sound of your voice, your majesty"-
“Emperor Plumpwell, I think we just found your new nose."
SHE WAS SWEFT OFF HER FEET BY...
© Copyright 2008 0808 All rights reserved
Andrew Alberti Jr
There are many days when men start out intending to have just another ho hum day. This was one of those and Steve was sure enjoying the sunshine, which by the way, only happened in cloudyville five times a year. To honor this event today, Steve got all spiffed up in his car salesmans’ checkered sport coat and pants, black and white wing tips and matching cab driver style hat. Sales were always good on sunny days and he wanted to be ready.
“Oh God, (we can still say that, can’t we)?”, Eliece thought. “I dread these sunny days. They play havoc with my alabaster skin and force me to remain sequestered in my home until the clouds return. Alabaster? More like albino.” “Oh well,” she thought, I may as well get it over with.”
There were 2,765 vehicles on the lot. Ten salespersons were working the customers to sell these cars.
Sly Eim was one of those. He was great at culling the buyers from the lookers. He may not have been good looking but he had a way of creating an aura of love and sexiness about him. He was already working his first buyers, ready to send them inside for the coup de gras as would be applied by Steve. It was classic sly.
The large red sign screamed, “FAST EDDIES HOT CARS”. Eliece turned in to the lot. This was sure to be her lucky day. This place was huge and she was sure to find the car she wanted, as the sign said, fast.
As Eliece stepped out, in to the warmth of day, her reflection from the sunlight was like a beacon, attracting all eyes to her. It practically blinded the staff at the lot. You couldn’t miss her statuesque form, looking almost like a real statue in pure marble. Magnificent in her coloring and build., she had it all. Almost.
Sly almost lost it and his customer too, but Super star that he was, Sly used the distraction to escort his customer in to Steve for the close. The first sale of the day was his and life was grand.
He approached Eliece and they toured the grounds looking for the right vehicle. Perhaps the selection was too overwhelming and it was taking too long but eventually there it was. How it shone in the sun. Alabaster white. “Oh I have to have it”, cooed Eliece. “Can we try her out?”
Sly exited the car in a hot sweat. “Wow”, he thought, “I’m lucky to get out in one piece. She really tore me a new one . My pants are all wet.”
Eliece was bubbling with excitement as Sly escorted her to Steve. Their eyes locked signaling the start of the dance. “Hell—lo”, he schmoozed. “Can I get you anything? Soda? Tea? Me? “
She was stunned. Struck by Steve’s garish clothing and quick wit. Just the thing for an alabaster lady. “You!”, she shot back. “I’ll take you... and the car, or no deal.”
Yes, they swept each other off their feets.
After the ceremony they could be seen driving off in her alabaster car. Eliece behind the wheel blended in so well it looked as if Steve, in the passenger seat, was alone in the car.
Eliece and Steve became famous. Eliece, as Peggy Lee for her rendition of White Christmas and Steve, as Spike Jones and his City Slickers band of renown. They wish.